Thursday, December 29, 2005

Goddamed Crazies

Hi kids.
I hope you are all having a great holiday. I know I am. I know I am a great shade of caramel-ly brown. Going to be well weird to go back to work on Toosday. And the nieces get here Friday. VERY EXCITING.

Note, my blog will probably become a cute only zone from that point onwards.

And to those who have been looking at my blog constantly, for the past week, to see if I have posted- this post is for you!! You know I got 45 hits on Xmas day, starting at 1 in the morning?! Nuts I tell you...nuts.

You know, my posts haven't been that good lately I don't know why you keep looking. But...I have been documenting the week that's passed with photos and movies. The stories are numerous, the tales hysterical, the song of the summer has been chosen as "hung up"...

Oh- and it would be a good time to say I have won the blog war. I think a hit from good old Mauritius ain't bad. If anyone actually knows anyone in Mauritius, let me know.

So everybody....have a great New Years, get well tanked, enjoy the biggest party of the year. It's been a brilliant, if not speedy speedy year. Loved the memories and here is to a gazillion more.

Much Love


Thursday, December 22, 2005

Still obsessed with the sitemeter

I can't do anything for more than 5 minutes.

My internal body clock knows holidays are 2 days away. My restlessness is insatiable.

In the meantime, I check the sitemeter every now and then. Someone is scaring the bejesus out of me. Or more accurately, I'm just really curious as to who you are.

You work, or your IP address is with Siemens in Victoria and you look at my blog at least twice a day, for extended periods of time.
There ain't that much there, I don't know what you keep clicking through to.

I'm guessing it's you that wrote the comment about the secret blog (because I could pretty much tell from the site meter)- and yes it does exist.

I just want to know who it is. I don't think I know anyone that works at Siemens...and in Melbourne........ very curious.

Other shite

  • When did 'shit' get a conjugation license to go past tense?
  • 2 Cool guys in the States went running through their Uni library in Pacman suits.
  • Some guy wants to sell his horse on eBay. Scary shite.
  • There is a 2 mouthed fish to go with the 3 eyed fish, Blinky. Smoke it up and eat it.

And fuck I hate christmas -just the annoying way shops go spastic, how they play crap christmas music and I'm scared of those hideous festive jumpers that americans wear.

I do love those Puppet cartoons though- Father Time, Rudolph and some other top ones they have. They are from the 60's. They also have them at Easter.

..Have a good one.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Back to being a clumsy fuck

I'm often clumsy. I walk into my bed a lot and there is a spot on both legs where impact is noticeable. Right under my knees on the outer calves. And I haven't done it in ages. I've been really good.

Being quite tall, I usually have a tendency to forget about what my legs are doing, where they are going, and they do often get tangled up in other destinations. It is somewhat entertaining and everyone else never fails to laugh, so that's a plus.

I remember those Adventure emails I used to write (thank god for the blog now, because you don't have to be subjected to it if you don't want to). There was that week where everyday something else happened:

  1. My parents were away and I had that party. I dropped a bottle of wine straight through the glass shelf in the fridge
  2. Couldn't find my glasses and turns out I'd driven over them, trying to find them! Lucky the warranty expired the next day
  3. In a series of complicated events, I got paint all over myself
  4. Smashed myself at the Unigym...damn mirrors

So what have I done to myself now???
Take a peek at my watch- more smashed than me on a saturday night.

I was walking down the inter office stairs and slipped all the way from the top to the bottom. I also had a peanut butter sandwich in my hand at the time, which thankfully went all over me.

Usually I'm pretty OK in these experiences, but I didn't realise how bad it was till I got home (I even bailed on a party to go home....crazy huh?!). I have massive bruises on both elbows, my heel is stinging with pain when I put weight on it and there is a boulder sized lump coming out of my leg with a fantastic bruise to match.

I finally have an excuse to take a sick day and I can't because there is too much work to do... and I know somewhere at the back of my head I can hear "Karma" and my latest favourite phrase of the moment

"...sympathy goes where...?"

Sunday, December 18, 2005

A weekend of Sex and the Beach

Well the weekend was off to a great one this week. There is a boy who has been harassing me and I don’t like him so much. There is a detailed report on my secret blog, but that shall remain a secret.

But, basically, over the last 4 weeks he has written me messages to which I have not replied. After about 2 weeks, the messages became:

Day 18: Hey the ever eluding beautiful stranger! The weekend’s here, any hope of seeing you?

Day 24: Hi deb! Hey listen i'm just curious ...what happened?

  • a) u left on holiday 2 tahiti soon afterwards (n ur still there)
  • b) u were hallucinating
  • c) u know more than 1 me
  • d) ur mobile only works 1 way
  • e) im hallucintaing

...hoping- me

Day 29: Hey! Can’t get u out of my head…still curious

So I either encounter guys who don’t treat me well enough or at all, and then on the other end of the spectrum we have these OCD nuts who can’t take a hint. Does failing to reply not constitute “I’m not interested” anymore?

Besides, I hate the sms anyway. You can only do sms when you want to be cute/romantic when you are a bit into a relationship and it’s too corny to say it out loud. This is the rule- stick to it! Gils knows what I’m talking ‘bout.

Note: These messages are actually ok, had they come from someone I was actually interested in.

Saturday Night
It was a lovely Saturday afternoon lazing around someone’s garden and overlooking park. Thanks for that. And then in the evening we moved to this Fuzzy uniform party. Was great to go as pilots, AGAIN. That costume has probably paid for itself 10 times over.
It was also nice to go without having to look like an absolute skank, like these builder girls were. They latched on to every guy that moved. I think I even saw one sidle up to a bar stool because it resembled a male in shape and form.

This photo will do until I get the ones from the weekend (considering I'm the only person in the pic who was actually there on Saturday night...).

The sex part to the weekend:- We were lucky enough to view a strip show at this party. Was a bit of a surprise and something I don’t think I really needed to see. The guys liked it. But 3 women pouring and rubbing beer all over their naked bodies, then jumping all over each other is something I really don’t need to see.

Sunday was the beach part of the weekend. Neilsen Park is a great beach. These little beaches kick so much ass (and come to think of it, probably tit too) on Bondi it’s not even funny.

And going supermarket shopping with friends is so much fun. Especially when you try and put big salamis in other people’s trolleys because you know they NEED it.

Great weekend girls. Ta.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

A real scammer knows the deal

I’m a scammer, I’ve always been a scammer. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just about cutting corners and getting the most out of life.
You have to use your limited resources in a creative way to get maximum returns. It isn’t a hard concept and most people are only limited by their creativity.

I’ve been pulling it ever since I was 7. That first sick day that I took off because I hadn’t been sick the entire year (an ailment which I still suffer from…). The best ‘not feeling well’ I ever pulled was in Year 2. They called my mother and asked her to come and get me. When she finally got there and walked in the door I had forgotten I was sick and was in the midst of dancing to The Jackson Five atop of a table. I somehow still went home.

I owe my first stab at scamming to my hero- Ferris Bueller. I salute you.

However, one thing a real scammer always knows is never ever reveal your secrets. If you do, it spreads and it gets out then you can’t really do your scam for much longer, can you?
That’s why I won’t tell you any of the other stuff I’ve done. What I can tell you though, is letter writing works a charm. There is something about hard copy that really gets to people.

So the point of this Blog- yesterday in Radar
some schlemiel wrote a piece on how he is a scammer. He told of everything he pulls and in great detail. The guy is a moron, especially when he reveals all the little tricks he does at the very end. Personally, I think things like hanging out in the toilets to go to the movies are lame and not at all creative (especially when I got Val Morgan giving me free tickets all the time). Saying you’re a photographer to get into parties- those are the good ideas!

I had a friend who went to Cannes one year for the film festival. He made business cards saying him and his mate were producers. They handed the cards out, got into stuff. Sounds awesome and it’s not stealing at all (like the movie example), it’s an excellent scam and a brilliant way to make contacts if you are trying to get into that industry. Very ingenuitive.

Someone also tried to pull a scam on me today! The thought of it amuses me so. This is Wisecrack we’re talking about. I don’t think so.

Here’s what happened:
Well, the little lady of the anonymous MSN, Juzzie, tried to get me back. I admit it wasn’t so nice what I did in my Blog- but it was just so random and nothing really happened anyway except my sitemeter stats going up. So Juzzie tried to get me to go on one of those websites where you fill out all these details and then it comes out with all the juice on your future love life and various predictions- but it’s a ruse and sends all the info you just spilt to the person who referred you to the site.

These sites are one of the cruelest and offensive things I have ever seen. Getting a person to reveal all that personal information which becomes a joke….it just makes my blood boil.

But- she wanted me to do it! As if I would fall for it. Nice try. But you’re going to have to get up earlier than that….

On the Blog War…
So Gila’s Blog, Gila’s Big Adventure, is quite humourous. I’ll tell you why… If someone does a Google search for “Big Girls” but forgets the ‘r’, they get “Big Gils” which brings up her website straight away! Excellent, excellent work Gilly. And quite ingenious. Your stats are going through the roof and you have porno fiends looking at all your sexy pictures. How you feeling now??

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

A Current Affair is a current crap

Last night I did something which is so unlike me. I got home and vegetated in front of the TV for an hour (instead of going for a run, which I did anyway and in the rain).

Not being in the best of moods, I thought why not? I had nothing better to do. Was meant to go to a Christmas party, but turns out the alcohol wasn’t free…so why bother?

So, I sat down to watch a flickering remote controlled combination of Neighbours, News, A Current Affair, Today Tonight, Everybody loves Raymond (I do quite like Raymond) and whatever other drivel came across the screen.

I usually don’t have a problem with A Current Affair. It likes to scare the bejesus out of people who have nothing better to care about than the plumber who is ripping you off, branded shampoo is the same as own brand shampoo and whatever other trivial crap comes round in the monthly cycle that is A Current Affair.

However, last night was different. Last night I made a huge realization.

They covered a story about a family of Atheists. This family sent their children to public school where part of the curriculum in December is for the kids to sing Christmas songs. This poor kid said he doesn’t believe in Christmas, nor Santa, God…”how can you believe in something if you can’t see it!?”

The family wanted the school to become non denominational and ban Christmas from the curriculum.

The kid was then excluded from music class. It created a huge uproar in the town. It was on the radio, it was in the paper, the kid became an outcast. People’s basic argument was that you can never make everyone happy, if you ban this, you’ll ban something else. People should be more tolerant. People are ridiculous. It’s Christmas for god’s sake.

At this point I realized something.
What happened to tolerance? If these people don’t want Christmas there is no reason why it should be forced down their throats. And fair enough that the kid didn’t want to sing “Away in a manger”. It’s a shit song anyway.

More importantly, A Current Affair plays to the majority. Majority of people celebrate Christmas. And a majority of people can’t string a thought together. Basically A Current Affair is offering the Atheist Family up for ridicule. The population who watched this ACA will think it is ridiculous that this family wants to ban Christmas from the curriculum. It’s Christmas for god’s sake!

We’re meant to live in a multi cultural and tolerant society, but ACA comes along with this shit, paints these people in an awful light. The world is becoming less and less tied to religion, these people have gone the whole hog and are taking a stand and ACA shoves it back in their face.

I can just imagine mainstream Australia watching this and thinking how shocking these people are for wanting to take away Christmas from kids in schools.

We don’t live in a tolerant society. If anyone does anything differently to you, you are strange, you are weird, you are abnormal. When people are removed from the situation it’s all rose coloured glasses and lollypop ladies, but as soon as an issue is close to home, the shit starts-a-shaking and everyone should be like us mein fuhrer… I don’t think I need to mention Bra Boys and Cronulla either.

The story after this one was about a town where a couple of people want to place a curfew on the cats because they damage properties at night. Apparently cats are meant to stay inside, they are happy to stay inside, they are inside pets…they don't do anything dangerous during the day.

What the fuck is wrong with people? These are real issues?! These are stories that get on TV???

I kind of prefer the ones that are just about nothing, like is there too much water in canned food?

Cool stuff.
So fuck all that. This is cool. Everyone loves a bit of retro. Everyone loves to combine the new with the old. It funks it up and gives it that uniqueness.
Someone has had the brill idea to put old phone receivers with cell phones. The receivers come with a mobile attachment and everything and then you hang the phone receiver out of your pocket.

One word for this….BITCHIN’!!!!

Monday, December 12, 2005

Talk about a useless nothing

This guy has made a USB that looks like a Pez Dispenser.
It plays Music, it holds data.

Fuck…it’s a good idea, but it would be great if it actually held Pez inside!


Friday, December 09, 2005

A weekend full of promise.

The weekends of late, haven’t been so good.
It’s been the usual drill- Friday night, home by sunset, in bed by 9. Saturday is either a day of tanning by the pool or long leisurely drunken lunches at friends’ houses.

Saturday night is kick off after the warm up. Get dressed up to the nines, baby. I used to have this thing where I themed my outfits. It was fun for a while, and pretty cool. There was rock bitch, Egyptian…and I think that was it. It probably only lasted 2 weeks.

But Saturday nights are the be all and end all. Last week a friend made a beautiful comment about Saturday nights, which I’m sure I cannot mention. However, it made me realize why I’m in the community I’m in and why I am bounded to it.

Saturday night is a time to let loose, expectations are failed, met or exceeded and who knows what could happen. Although, lately they are a little boring and I need to give myself challenges to stay interested- dares to go and talk to people, be a general fool, just give myself something to laugh at….however I think I would prefer quiet drunken evenings at someone’s residence.

Sunday is followed by breakfast, beach and/or walking around somewhere.

It’s getting a little monotonous. But it is what I do.

Let’s see what this weekend will bring. Let’s see what I’ll get up to. Let’s see if it will be different………please, let it be different!

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

The Blogger War

I just realized….I don’t want to look at anyone’s blog who has a site metre. They’ll know when I look at it, how often and what pages I go on. It will also up their site hits! Screw that.

I love that they look at my blog. In a sick kind of way I love seeing when they came on, which pages they saw, how much time they spent. Even their IP address. It's freaky.

I guess anon's be warned- I know when you log on, I sort of know who you are. It sometimes even says which company you work for!

The funniest thing, in the first couple of days I had the site metre (which would be this week... someone please give me some work to do!), I noticed a message board had been the referral to my site. So I went to go see what they had said. It's a bloody members only thing, so I requested membership. I got rejected. They are still looking at my blog!!! It's weird. I don't even know any of these people- Aviva, Deborah, Joanne, Lucy, Siveing, Tahnya, Veronica (and Catherine).
Any takers? Strange... Who are they?

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Back to my IT roots

Well you know, I never really thought podcasting would take off. Well, not in the state it was a couple of months ago. Randoms leaving crap casts all over the shop- it wasn’t pretty.

Now I subscribe to a couple good ones. Acoustic Tuesdays (I love acoustic sounds), Ricky Gervais, Rock and Roll Jew Show, JerryTime. These are some sweet casts.

Not only that, now there are vodcasts and bodcasts and blogs and moblogs and voblogs. People bandy the terms around like they know what they mean, and they don’t.

If I hear one more person talk about a video, slash, TV podcast, with utmost conviction that they know what it is, who knows what I’ll do. The last time someone said that, I said “Do you mean Vodcast?” and they just looked at me with that contempt of their realization that I’m an IT geek. Of course they replied in total ignorance “No, I mean a video slash TV podcast.”


So this is the drill people
Blog: A shortened form of the term weblog. Basically an online diary.
Moblog: A mobile phone blog. You can update your blog from your phone, with text, mms and if you have the feature, video.
Voblog: A video blog. You use a webcam. You put webcam vids on your blog.
Podcast: This is any sound file an individual generates to be distributed across the internet. You can listen to it anywhere- MP3 player, your PC. You can even download it on to a disc if you so wish.
Vodcast: Like a podcast, but video. You can watch this one on a sexy nano.
Bodcast: Playboy has launched their own version. I guess you can watch T&A on your Nano. Hot?

My last gripe is spellcheck. It’s about time Word added Blog and Podcast to spellchecker!

Some other funny stuff I’ve seen
This guy is a copywriter. One of his little vignettes (Sandwich board) is about people’s ignorance when it comes to apostrophes and the various forms of you’re/your and there/their/they’re, etc. It’s not only me that has this problem. It’s quite crazy how often I see people get agitated about this (and it’s always only over the net)
Unemployed Copywriter

This dude has made a cool vodcast. Watch it!
It's jerry time

Some funny music video. If only these guys could lip sync properly
Hung up You Tube

This is a site where you think the pics are rudey bits, but they aren’t. It’s funny how the site looks like it’s porn.

Monday, December 05, 2005

A bloggite

It's so strange how fast technology moves.
It's even stranger how fast we become acclimatised to the new technology.

We went from chunka tapedecks with headphones
to walkmans
to discmans
to mp3 players
and not in a very long time frame either.

There is a cute little man who gets my ferry. He listens to his mini tapedeck with headphones (batteries included) and dances to the music. I have even seen him do some "Heil Hitler" moves on the bus. Walking behind him, he has even skipped to the music. It has brought a smile to my face and given strangers reason to chat to me (lucky they were good looking, otherwise it may have been a problem).

I don't know why it's weird- I carry my Zen (yes, I have a Zen, I am impervious to elaborate iPod marketing tactics!) and I don't strap it to my body. Maybe it has to do with the fact there is actual physical music content inside a discman (such a dumb name) or walkman, instead of just bytes...

But it is still so weird to see someone walking/running around actually carrying a large music listening device. There is something so 80's and yesteryear about it.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Confessions of a Blogger

On the weekend (thank you all for a great one), it came to the realisation of myself and a fellow blogger, that we are entrenched in the battle of the blogs.
Someone told me how they read a blog and then followed the chain of links to mine, and mine lo and behold, kicked butt on the other person's blog.

In that 2 second interlude, I realised that the person's comment, made my night. It even could have made my entire weekend.

I've been in a crap mood lately too (just to make the great run I've had seem much better...yay?...), so the comment fully lifted me out of it. Only for 5 minutes or so, but it was well worth it.

So yeah, my blog is taking over my life. The fellow blogger who overheard the comment asked me to put a link to their blog too. It definitely increases the hits and readership figure. We also both have site meters (although mine doesn't really work and shows up zero hits every week, which I know can't be true) and we both live for comments.

This is an edit made 5 hours later...I have had 50 hits today baby. I'm rocking on.

I request when people read my blog, to leave comments.

My sister, for some strange reason leaves comments under her middle name (everyone, that's 'Nicole'). I don't know what she is so scared of. But then, at least she leaves some form of identification, the anonymous people give me the shits.

What next? Well, the battle of the blog is on! I'm going to fix my site meter, I'm going to try and do only quality entries (sorry for the shite ones of late) and we are going to have a vote. We should probably just start one of those blog communities, it would be so much easier... I guess I'll get onto it.

Some fun stuff for you
This is a video of a building demolition that fucked up. The building fell into the basement instead of falling over. Love the way the guy laughs in the background.

And some funny person decided to do a Christmas scene, inspired by Hurricane Katrina damage. Funny, and I don't know why there is so much uproar about being untasteful. It's not like there are drowned up bodies in the scenery....

I did decide to dress up for the Beach Road last night to see what all the fuss is about. It made the manager tell the waiter to serve me without saying or doing anything but stand at the bar, but other than that, I don't know what all the fuss is about.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

The craziest, if not the strangest 5 minutes of my life

I just had a lunch with a couple of work buddies.
We were sitting in a pub in this beautiful muggy, balmy, hot weather drinking beers. I had an excellent vantage point watching all the fashion mistakes and generally funny looking people walk past.
There was some big fatty, someone who looked pregnant who was just a fatty, a crazy handlebar moustache man, someone who walked like Quasimodo (who at first glance I thought was N8 and had to do a double take...sorry)-turns out it was Quasimodo and some interesting G-String compilations.

It was hard for me to stop saying something everytime someone walked past. But by the end of my beer I was just laughing and not saying anything- an achievement.

But when we left the pub, this is when the crazy shite started.
Some very very tall man was walking infront of us, but bouncing along like one of those puppets from the Sound of Music Puppets (there was an old man with a lonely goat). That was slightly amusing.

Then Little Barney told me to hang on, he had to go get his glasses. He came back with these chunka frames and no lenses. Funny. Then he ran away and that guy who lives in Bondi who wears the dresses, he started walking towards us, and we were on Pitt St of all places.

(not the same guy, but good enough)

Now, this would just be strange on a normal day, but considering we had been so damn critical of everyone, it would take every ounce of our strength to hold it in. The man was equidistant between Jo and I, and then the guys on the other side of him.
They were pissing themselves and pointing at him as we walked towards them. We were laughing too. I had to yell some random comment at Barney to cover my laughing. I don't think it worked. Dressman turned around to look straight at me.
Lesson to self:- never do that again.

We crossed the road.
5 seconds later: Barney gave one of those indian restaurant cards to some woman. She started screaming at him.
7 seconds later: Some ugly walked infront of us with no T-Shirt and the wierdest looking mullet you've ever seen
10 seconds later: A biker got hit by a car
15 seconds later: Charlie guessed which lift would come first and Seaman ditched us for the express lift. Gabe wished he went and pressed all the buttons so Seaman would be fucked. But as all things are in hindsight...we never did it and wished we had.

So a crazy 5 minutes, huh?

Quick news update
White party was good last night. Not as pretentious as they usually are and because everyone was in white, you couldn't tell who was gay and who was straight.

My straight friend got picked up by a gay guy (well a gay guy attempted to pick him up, of course there was no chance). We were offered drugs, I said I was a pansy (wrong venue to say that....another note to self), but all in all a pretty good night. Apparently the Ralph party was shit anyway, so we did well.

This is something that I guess a lot of people will find amusing and I want to post it anyway. Click on the pic if you are intrigued