Sunday, November 27, 2005

I feel like posting because I can

Thanks all for a great weekend. A thanks also goes to the Taj Mahal. It was memorable. As memorable as the Dyson DC15...

So Saturday was a crazy day hey? Started off a little chilly and turned way too hot. I was wearing those dumb legging tights again and nearly died. Thank god I had that lunchtime alcohol in me, otherwise it could have been much worse.
The afternoon nap made it all worthwhile.

I finished that new Tom Wolfe book on Friday night- I am Charlotte Simmons. Great book. I had that horrible/exciting Catch 22 where you want to finish the book so you know the end, but at the same time you don't want it to end because then it will all be over. So that's two good books in a row. Quite rare I think (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close is a top book and the one before). I'm happy to take any suggestions.

I almost forgot to mention- that Party on Saturday night. Was a bit funny getting there, forgetting my wallet, deciding to bail, deciding to go, torrential rain, blasts from the past.
Next, there was so much boob there! Every where I looked I copped more and more boob. Is there some boob exposure contest that I don't know about?! I don't think I want to play though (actually, I don't want to play at all), I'm just curious.

And I don't watch the OC, but walking into that place, I felt like I was at a Summer Party on the set of the OC. It's a shame Handbag wasn't there, he would have felt so at home.
Speaking of handbag, we had our photo taken at the inthemix party for S in the Daily Telegraph. I made him say he was DJ Handbag and I was DJ Wisey (and in hindsight, I really should have made it Wisecrack). Lo and behold our picture wasn't in there, and neither was the entire inthemix party! Oh well. I probably looked totally smacked in the photo anyway and I think the HB is getting pissed at me calling him Handbag all the time!!

Back to Shabbos- on Saturday we had this whole conversation about old tv shows we used to watch. Everyone had a great repertoire, but the strangest thing was the way everyone had to sing the theme song as soon as they mentioned the show. It was like some weird automated brain programming iteration that everyone does whenever they mention an old tv show.
I wish they put on all those shows again, I don't watch any new TV and they don't make it like they used to.
I've been watching some old Degrassi Junior High episodes. Good old Stephanie Kaye, Joey's hats and the rest of the gang. I used to think they were so sophisticated and handled "the issues" so well. Watching it now, they are such pishers and it is more comedic than serious. I'm loving it. And I always thought Joey only wore that pork pie hat. He wears tonnes of cool hats. He was really ahead of his time.

Last night a couple of us went to see this great movie. Despite the fact the message I got was "We're going to a movie, you me and everyone else," I thought that was who was going, but no- that was the name of the movie (you, me and everyone else). Great movie. Arty. Great. I even liked how when the kids were on Messenger, they spellchecked and made sure their grammar was all in order. Apostrophes were in the right place (the old it's V its).
It was one of those ones where everyone interconnects. A little bit loopy, but that's the way I like it!

Other news on the front line
We know how much I love Killoggs (they also like correct spelling and coherent sentences). The other day they had this huge fight with some wanker, Art something-something. It's actually really funny. The guy is a moron. I'm also tempted to tell him not to write to the killoggers, like I did, you only end up getting burned. But, I don't want to get burned again
They found some cool "Worst songs on i-tunes" list. Pretty funny stuff.
Read the stuff where Brandon goes nuts, if you have time. I've always secretly loved Brandon.

Funny we were speaking about Karate Kid and Happy Days on the weekend, because Pat Morita died! He was cool and he was so much better working in Arnold's than Big Al (you know it's true).

The good people at Tzahal have developed a dog translator. It can work out the difference between a hello bark and an angry bark. Lucky someone did!

And the shite has been going down with this Sony Rootkit stuff. I do have a blog in gestation about my whole love affair with music piracy, but I have a feeling it won't be ready for another couple of weeks.
However, Sony has been very bad and I doubt the whole "let's fuck up your computer" thing was deliberate. arrogant!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Loud and Proud

Yeah, I'm a fervent jew.
It seems I can't go one day at work without some reference to Judaism cropping up.
It's either a little shiur on the balcony about the laws of kashrut, or I get harassed by the fact that I would never go out on a Friday night (and for fuck's sake can't even watch TV, but it's not like I watch TV anyway!).

The funniest is when I get asked about going out with a non jewish guy, or goy as we like to call 'em.
It won't happen, never will and it isn't a cop out either, but I'll get to that later. I have gone out a couple times with some goyim, but they were just time fillers and when it got to the end of the night, I always had to bolt before things got tricky.

To practice or not to practice
Judaism is a pretty colourful culture. It's got lots of holidays, good food, great music and a sweet path of history.
A lot of people, mostly jewish, see the whole religion as a bunch of rules and limitations. It's not that at all. There are some pretty good things in there that help you live a really fulfilled life and it doesn't have to do with not watching TV on a Friday night, or not eating pork. Those things are peripheral. The guidelines and the ideas which help you to be a good person, that's where the quality is (and I promise you most people do it wrong anyway- they worry about the peripherals...those damn peripheral jews).

The cop out
I'm pretty observant. I love my weekly time out on shabbat. I don't eat non kosher meat or crustacea (damn crustaceans!). I don't go to work on any of the jewish holidays and lately work has allowed me to do the switcheroo on my holidays versus secular public holidays. I don't give a damn about working on easter monday...bring it on baby.
So suffice to say I live a pretty jewish life, and I don't plan on doing it on my own. That would be too hard. So screw the "what about love?" comments, or "what if you're compatible?"- the fact remains, if they aren't into the Jewish thing and see it as a cult, then they got nothing.
So Barney, you're right. I would have said no to your proposal, but thanks for thinking of me.

So is it a cult?'s just fun. And I reckon God has a sense of humour too. Just look at Oprah.
Life was never meant to be taken too seriously. Problems always fix themselves, if you make a mistake, you learn. A lot of people lose sight of the big picture. For me, Judaism helps. I don't think I could ever make it through a week full of parties without knowing that my Friday night is there to tuck me into bed no later than 8.30pm.

I could speak all day about how I hate Ba'al Teshuvas (BT's- these are the people who return to religion and become psychotic spiritual fiends), but it's mean and they're nuts.

Plus there are all better fun cultural things we have. Like Bar Mitzvahs!
Take a look at this. A montage of the old Bar Mitzvah from the 80's. Everything is still the same!
Girls dress up in that mid pubescent awkward stage, and the guys are still boys and have no idea what to do. It was the aim of the bar mitzvah to make the most disgusting concoction you could think of with any of the food that was supplied. My favourite was pouring sugar into the soft drinks and watch them go spastic. I guess you could say it was my introduction to Science.

And a special happy birthday to Ebhead!

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Random is the Season

Too much random shite has been happening to me lately. The worst part of it all is that I have so many friends who are into hi-jinx, that I can't help getting paranoid and thinking they are pranking me.

It started last week.

MSN and Yocheved
I'm sitting at my desk one day. Some random decides to add me to her MSN. That little window popped up and I thought why not? May be a friend of a friend...whatever. So I add her.
We don't know eachother, but turns out, she is Jewish, I'm Jewish. We have a lot in common.

The wierd thing is, she is quite religious. So religious in fact, she started asking me some very personal questions about boys and the like, since she has never really had any physical interaction with them.
I'd put some of the conversation here, but it seems pretty boring now. It was stuff like "Have you ever kissed a boy" and "How will I ever find my beshert?"!
Wierd. If you would like it, I'll forward it to you.

So...if you want to find out if this person is authentic, her hotmail is:
Tell her I say hi. My last words to her were "I'm really busy right now, but check out my blog. If you have any questions speak to me after that"

Love those calls from no one in particular
Yesterday I got a missed call from a number I didn't know. My curiosity never fails to pique my interest. I had to sms...
"Missed call...who are you?"
The person wrote back "Maureen"!
Come on!
If you are doing a prank, think of a better name than Maureen!
So I wrote back:
"Hey Maureen. How you doin'? What can I do you for?"
Maureen told me about some chick, Christine Baines, is applying for an international Student position.

Maureen's number is 0417 592 495 (for those not in Australia +61417592495).
Please give her a call and ask how Chris went in the interviews. Or tell Maureen something else about Christine. I'm sure you can step up to the proverbial creative plate. I have faith in you all.

Random for the sake of being random
David Hirsch, you made my blog too! But I don't like it when you speak in the Russian voice. I don't like. Stop it. It scares me.

Getting birthday messages from someone using someone else's lost phone
So someone was meant to turn up to my birthday shin dig last night. They seem to be a pretty good friend, but have wierd phobias of the agora, ochlo and demo kind (look up definitions here).
But, they never came.
Later, I got home, tanked. And they called...but it wasn't them. It was someone who had found their phone in a carpark in Pyrmont.
I had a whole chat with this dude about my birthday drinks and how the owner of the phone didn't pitch. And I guess I also threw in my life story, because, I was drunk.
We both went to retrieve the phone today. The guy didn't want anything in return which is to be expected.
I found some wealthy wasp's wallet once. He started pulling some cash out of the wad from his wallet, but you really can't say yes. You just want the person to stop feeling that anguish from losing their possession (particularly high anguish items like wallet, phone or handbag). You are happy in the fact you have ended their anguish.

Reminder and thanks
So thanks Blogspot for sponsoring my party last night. Everyone who got free drink vouchers had a great time.
Pics will be on flickr eventually (pics are now up).
But remember, the birthday is on Toosday! Be seeing you at inthemix!

The picture was changed due to disapproval...

Thursday, November 17, 2005

The life of a media whore

Yeah, I work in media.

It's cool.

My agency...well maybe I shouldn't talk about that, could go down the blog related termination...

So...I get free mags, free dvd's, cds and tonnes of other shite.
I also get to go to a lot of parties.
They're real fun.

But I think this topic is dying. Doesn't look like it's panning out too good.
I'm tired and can't be bothered with more explanation. If you come, it's cool. I get lots of people to come with me. Love the +1 (or 5).

So this just in...

Student folds paper 12 times!
A high-school student has defied the received wisdom that it is impossible to fold a paper more than eight times by folding one twelve times:
For extra credit in a math class Britney was given the challenge to fold anything in half 12 times. After extensive experimentation, she folded a sheet of gold foil 12 times, breaking the record. This was using alternate directions of folding. But, the challenge was then redefined to fold a piece of paper. She studied the problem and was the first person to realize the basic cause for the limits. She then derived the folding limit equation for any given dimension. Limiting equations were derived for the case of folding in alternate directions and for the case of folding in a single direction using a long strip of paper. The merits of both folding approaches are discussed, but for high numbers of folds, single direction folding requires less paper.


And apparently some guy called Ray Digerati is fixing computers in exchange for sex. He said:
"Most of the calls I get are for spyware removal and viruses. One girl didn't even wait for me to finish the virus scan—she just grabbed me and gave me a blow job."


And if anyone knows where to get one of these, I really want one

Sunday, November 13, 2005

The ifs and the buts

Blog Collectibles
So, I'm getting a lot of these little random thoughts together and I'm thinking I really need to have one big blog on all these little "collectibles" that I have.
Multiple mini entries seem crap for some reason.
It's a whole series of "what is it with...?" that's shit anyway. You know the tell-tale sign of a crap comedian is one who starts a bit off with that!

No one knows blogs like we do
And how shit was that article in SMH on the weekend about blogs being sex journals? Totally missed the whole point of the battle for great links that me and my fellow blog community is having.

Another great find
Speaking of great links. Here is a hot preview of some new Ali G Shneed. It's quite funny.
I like Ali G.
There are more links here.

Oh, and wait. Pillow Fight Club.
I want in.
Kicks ass on paintball.

Ripped off
Now I had this idea a year ago and I truly tried to get it off the ground. I wanted to make Hypercolor cool again. The time was ripe, the generation who once loved it would let it grow again, but in a hyper, trendier way. We were gonna do it, but in bonds singlets, in little shorts. It was going to be hot.
I tracked down the company that used to make the fabric...some place in Japan who then got bought up, and bought out and spliced up. I made millions of phone calls. The guys were wankers.
I knew the fad would only last one season, and the only reason I really wanted to do it, so was that I could have one.
Long story, here is the short: Bonds is doing it. Watch it last one season.

Gossip Mongers
I like dancing.
I love dancing.
It gives you a great work out in the thighs and, fuck, it's just fun.
And no spiel here for "I don't care what you think", because if I wrote it you would know that I do care, and here is my fucks off to that!

So when I dance with someone, FOR FUN, it doesn't mean anything is going to happen.
So people, the rumours that started on Sunday morning were a hoax. They were in aid of two individuals who made a $20 bet that I would become romantically involved with some dude who wasn't very creative in his responses with me...
Him: You're hot and have a great ass
Me: Tell me something I don't know
Him: ahhh........uhm....

Creativity is key.

Oh, and I think I deserve a cut of the $20. Thanks (you know who you are).

To heel or not to heel?
I went out on Saturday night sans high heels. Was wierd.
Must have been the first time I've done that since that night in 1995.
It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

Oh, and wedges still suck in case anyone forgot I hate them.

Two little make-ed overs
I never watch Idol. Really, I don't. But after the exhaustion of a sunned up, beached out, relaxing weekend, I couldn't do a thing last night and watched it.
That Kate chick.......who the fuck does she think she is?? Minnie Mouse??
What was with that Mascara?
And it's not even really her fault. It's the make-up artist's fault.

That Emily chick actually gave me tingles from the Bodyguard song. She brought it home after that abysmal Britney number.

And the idea on my head at the moment is:
What is the deal with these Australian reality hosts going from pallid brunettes to tanned up blondes.
Take a look peeps....
Now Gretel reminds of that Wildenstein character. Normal to Alien. The hair, the pulled back skin...a little too close in this pic and scary.

And Kyle...he has progressively gotten blonder as the show has progressed. It's quite funny.
I am yet to track down a pic of Kyle in after mode. But believe me, when I find it, he's gonna get it.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Why did no one ever notice...

Why is that no one noticed that J-Lo sounded a lot like Jell-O?

She was Gigli-ing it all over the place...

Look at that butt! Massif

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Something happy for a change

Before I even start this Blog entry, you have to know I'm one of the happiest people you will ever meet.

By happy I mean I love to laugh and I'll do anything to achieve it. People often note how I laugh randomly at things they can't see as funny. I just like to look at situations in a different way. That's why you or they don't get it.

I'm not judgemental either, but it will take too long to explain and... if you don't get the other thing you won't see it either.

So lately, there has been a bit of an uproar that I am particularly aggressive when it comes to my blog. It don't got to do with the fact that I am angry. It got to do with people being silly about life.

My pet "these really get my goat" are:

  • bullshit,
  • taking things a little too serious,
  • crap and
  • fakers.
Just be honest, it's so much easier and it just gets everything out in the open. All my blog entries have got to do with my pet hates.

For me, they are funny. I realise something others don't and that's pretty much all there is to it.

Next time you read my blog, if you do, think about it from that crazy angle from the ninth dimension, because chances are that's where I'm coming from.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Visual Abuse

I have a memory from my childhood.

The horror abhors me.

Imagine a beautiful summer day, sitting at Doyles, Watsons Bay, and the sun shining on your face, the wind carressing your skin.

You take in the beautiful boats and the water. Your eyes wander across the beach and then...

These two fat middle aged women appear in your line of vision. They have pallid skin and they aren't wearing swimming costumes. Oh no. They have just taken their shirts off and are sitting on the sand in jeans and bras. Gross bras. Faded bras. Fat hanging over the side bras.

Not only do they sit. They move. They walk up and down the beach looking like this.

This, friends, is VISUAL ABUSE!

Any form of human being revealing or wearing something you don't want to see is abuse. Abuse of the visual kind. It's not pretty, please don't let my eyes in.

It goes for any unsightly fat, zits, scars and fashion combinations.

You know what I mean. Don't be shy. We've got the muffin top, the bad colour pallettes, shorts/high heels/fat legs. You know what I'm talking about Willis!

Shield the eyes peeps, prevent nightmares.