Tuesday, December 18, 2007

In case you wanted to know how Jews view Christmas

Except I don't know what this crap is about Chinese food.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

The simple reason for my existence.

Why does this get funnier the more I watch it??
I don't think I'll ever tire from this baby.
How do I make it my ringtone?

I think it's the way he says "Ffffuck you!" and points at the viewing audience, because he is talking directly to them.
This is probably combined with my issues with the general american population at their inability and lack of sensitivity to so many things.

I crack up EVERY time....oh there it goes, I just did again.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007


There is a girl at my office who will not step on the cracks or old bits of petrified chewing gum.
The first time I saw it I asked her if she was trying to miss the cracks and she asked me how I knew?
Well, I knew because she looked like an absolute idiot analysing the floor underneath her feet.
Ever since then, when I see her, I tease her about it. It really isn't normal and I tease her because why not?!
I don't even know her name, she is just crazy cracked cracks girl.

One day she told me it wasn't just the cracks, she almost had this air of validity like this was even more justified. It was also the chewing gum stains on the floor.
Mental case.

I just saw her walk past my office, glance down and place her feet carefully in designated approved areas. I still can't believe the insanity.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Hey you, bitch! You mother fucker!

One weekend, I had a great weekend.
I lost or misplaced my debit card. I have no idea what. I cancelled it straight away. All I had was $30 to get me from Saturday night to Monday morning. I'd write a cheque at the bank on Monday and redeem some cash.

So the saturday night started with me hopping into a cab and paying about a $10 fare. I decided to jump out a bit early. Traffic in NY is a bit of a bitch. I walked maybe 4 blocks.
Getting out of the taxi, my door hit the cab next to me. No scratch, nothing, so I shut the door and left.

2 seconds later this Indian cabbie is screaming at me in his indian accent:
"Hey you! You broke my thing, get back here!"
I just told him nothing was wrong and kept on walking.
"hey bitch, come back here."

Then 5 seconds later, I feel a car sidling up next to me:
"Hey you, you mother fucker. You broke my taxi. Bitch, Stop. Stop!"
I just kept walking. Didn't look, didn't flinch.
He kept going "Hey you bitch, stop. Damn mother fucker, you are a mother fucker!"
I just looked at him with death stare. I couldn't believe he would go nuts over such a non event. I guess it's the New York mentality. You have to protect and ensure the integrity of everything under your control.

After this incident, I was walking down the street, happily thinking I didn't get killed and some doof behind me kicks off my shoe right into the street.
I turned around, said nothing and gave him death stare.
He ran to the street got my shoe and tried to put it back on my foot. That was a little too much. I grabbed my shoe and kept walking.

The other events from that night are pretty uneventful. Some annoying guy was annoying me so since he had given me his iPhone to look at, I emailed his mother saying:
"Mom, I think I'm gay"
The "I think" really gives it the power here. Think about it.

I left wherever I was. Tried to get a cab. Impossible.
Some randoms in a taxi pull up to me and ask if I need a lift. I say I'm only going up 20 blocks, same street and everything. I told them I'd get in if they promised not to rape me. They did and I got home safe and still had $20 to my name.

The next morning at breakfast, I don't know if I was fortunate enough to go through this ordeal. But there was a pube like hair in my eggs so I ended up with a free breakfast.
By sunday night, with $20 still intact, I blew my cash on a bunch of coffees for everyone who had helped me out over the weekend.
Then I went home to nap, content at my busy weekend.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Back from reality

I've taken a break from this virtual world for a bit. NYC is a little bit crazy, time kind of escapes you.
I do have all these blog entries floating around my head involving:
  • The time a taxi driver called me a mother fucker
  • The time some doof kicked my shoe off on to the street
  • The time I lost my debit card and my last $20 lasted me a whole weekend because I kept on getting stuff for free (the above three were all in one weekend)
  • Photos of my apartment and where I live
  • The time I helped Mischa Barton and her dog
But, I am amazed at my blog hits. Simply because I have mentioned various pop culture topics such as
My stats have skyrocketed. I have to do more of this pop culture referencing!

All those other posts, I'll make it my mission to accomplish this week.