Monday, October 29, 2007

Halloween: How to dress like a slut

So I had my first American Halloween.
The fuckers absolutely love it.

It was a lot of fun- you get on the subway, walk down the street and everyone, and I mean everyone, is dressed up. We saw this giant penis on the street. He was just standing there like giant penises are an every day occurrence.

I did my old "rock bitch" outfit. Was a little bit of a cop out, but you know...I participated in the regulatory dress like a slut it's Halloween rule.

I love how you know something is true, and then a movie like Mean Girls comes along and just brings it out in the open:

Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.

Thank you Lindsay.

So, seriously, every costume that they sell in those shitty sex shops in Sydney (hey, who hasn't been in one), they sell as Halloween costumes in New York.

I also bumped into one Sara Ramirez, also known as Dr Torres in Grey's Anatomy. Someone said to me that a Grey's person was behind me, I turn around and actually goggled. She saw me do it. I then tapped her and apologised for looking at her like an object. She is after all a person and I am quite disturbed by the obsession with celebrity in this country.
Well, she really appreciated that. She was nice. And no I didn't get a photo. How could I after that exchange??
But here- pretend with this.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Feeling good about being aussie

You know, a few years ago, Australians had massive overseas envy. We just always seemed to feel second, even third best, at everything we attempted.
We just couldn't seem to achieve the same sort of professionalism that other countries seemed to possess.

Well now, I've worked out what it is.

Those other countries just had a confidence associated with their existing culture. Italy, France, America, England, Germans, Swiss - all of these countries have their own stereotypical qualities that their citizens exude.
When you have the national costume for each of these countries at the Miss Universe pageant, you know what each of these countries is going to where. What would Miss Australia inevitably wear?? A hat with corks on it?? Not really national attire.

Australia was never really sure of what they were as a culture. We only recently grew into the idea that our laid back, mateship, fun in the sun approach is actually a culture that we're proud of.

We don't need pretense, we don't need theatrics. We aren't jealous of anyone because we're happy with what we've got. All that envy has slipped away and it hasn't been a conscious evolution of thought, we just sort of stopped giving a shit. Which pretty much sums up the culture as well.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

420 friendly?

Who would have thunk it?

Nearly every profile on Craig's list has the phrase "420 friendly". I'm confused.

So I asked one of the people I went to see what it meant:
"It means people smoke pot. Chapter 4, verse 20 of Genesis says 'And God made all the sweet smelling plants and herbs' "

So I took that and went with it.

Later I checked out Wikipedia. That wasn't it at all! It is definitely pot related.
A great way of coming up with slang. I'm quite jealous and then quite impressed that it went Nation wide.
Good one.

And Genesis, chapter 4, verse 20:
"And Ada brought forth Jabel: who was the father of such as dwell in tents, and of herdsmen."

The guy who told me the biblical thing is a douche.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

The beauty of the Craig's List

I've been looking to move downtown.
I now have 2.5 weeks to find something. Great.

Trying to find an apartment in New York is so difficult.
The bastard agents are bigger bastards here and charge to find you an apartment. So the landlord gets shafted a fee and so does the agent.

Craig's List is an adventure in itself.
You have to find someone normal, you have to find a room that doesn't say "And please note you cannot stand up full height in this room as it is only 1.4m tall".
It's tough.

Some guy keeps posting this: $100 Superb offer if you are an open minded and adventurous woman and keeps getting taken down.

After seeing numerous, crazy dominatrix, or whatever random requests:
  • Free rent in exchange for cooking/cleaning
  • 1bdr for $200 and you have to sleep in my bed
  • Looking for a woman
  • I'm desperate
  • Need a live in lover- someone who will pimp themselves because apartments in the city are fucking hard to find and people are desperate enough to offer themselves to me.

I decided to take a leap and write to one.
He wrote how he had a $700 room in a 2bdr and you wouldn't have to pay anything if you occasionally got naked.
I wrote to him and said "How about $350 for a bikini", he then wanted to see my picture.
I can't believe these people actually publish this shit for all to see.

Monday, October 08, 2007

You smarmy gits

The social security number debacle continues.

The office copied my passport, visa and license information and recorded my D.O.B. as 1959.
Good one guys. Thanks. Thanks a million.

Friends tell me it's good news. I can get seniors benefits earlier.

So now all my shizz needs to be sent back to homeland security for another double check. I don't care if you scan this once I post it. I don't care if you put me under review. This isn't any fun and I'm not liking it.

Wouldn't it just be logical to think it was a typo?? You have copies of all the information. Every record has the right year. Just your new entry is wrong........

Whatever. Take your time. I'll bide mine.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Where in the hell is my goddam Social security number

So, I've been here for what, 4 weeks.
I still no have no Social security number. I went on the first day to get it. That was September 6th.

At the SSN office, where I couldn't eat and began munching on a dried apricot and got into trouble from security, they told me I could call back in a few days and they would be able to give me the number so that I could do stuff.

Stuff like- open a bank account, fill in my timesheets at work because I need my SSN to do it, cash cheques, ummmm get a proper phone, eat, actually live my life.

I keep calling up, I keep getting different responses. I just want a number. I just want to conform. Why won't they just let me????????