Thursday, December 21, 2006

Christmas spirit just keeps on growing

So yesterday, I'm walking to the ferry. I see some decorations. Then I turn my head and see this little gem:

I think someone feels a little bit like me. Not only did they hang Santa on their balcony, they actually hung him!
Maybe it's a reference to Sadaam.

It's a little bit shocking- right on New South Head rd (across the road from the drycleaners). A main road, kids will see it.

I kind of like it, maybe even love it. It makes me smile.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Back in the game

So good to be back. Already have a tally of stories to get off my chest.

You have to realise how much I hate Christmas. I don't know if I really hate it, I just hate those people who "get into the spirit" and wear glittery "Noel" t shirts and red and green tinsel in their hair. Don't people know that Coke invented those Christmas colours??!!! You are just subscribing to marketing. Fools.

I also intensely dislike the notion that everyone thinks that everyone else does Christmas.

A bit of this dislike has probably rubbed off onto me from the parental father figure. He was always "we're Jewish, we don't do Christmas. No presents on the 8 days of Chanukah, it's a travesty. It's just a way for Jews to make themselves more Christian like. etc etc"

I do clearly exaggerate the diatribe my father used to give, however these days I just feel we're in a multi cultural society. Different cultures do different stuff, don't ram Christmas down my throat. ... Although I have always loves those Hanna Barbera christmas cartoons. Rudolph, Frosty the Snowman. You can't go wrong and it was how I educated myself to Christmas songs.

So yesterday in WBJ (Westfield Bondi Junction). I had a great time trying to find parking. As I was at the end of my tether and thinking I'm only doing one more round in here, I asked some girl if she was leaving and if I could stalk her to her car. Better than actually driving at 2km an hour till she gets to her car (which is what happened to me when I left, so I weaved in and out of cars to piss off my stalker. I was just having fun, I couldn't resist).

So I parked and went inside.

Masses and masses of people. Just everywhere and just walking so aimlessly. I checked out a couple of my favourite places. Princess Highway has pleasantly surprised me once, I'm waiting for them to surprise me yet again.

Meduza was fantastic. I loved this little pinafore but it was a little too expensive and the fabric, being polyester, seem it could be a little too hot. So I enquired about this to the sales lady:

Me: Does this dress get hot?
Saleslady: Yes, yes. It looks great.
Me: No. Not hot in the Paris kind of way. Hot in the 'does this fabric make you sweat' kind of way?
Saleslady: Yes, this is my daughter's shop. She designs everything. She is so great.
Me: No. You're not actually listening to what I'm saying. I want to know....etc etc

Not really how I envisaged that conversation going down. The dress did infact look hot and so I asked for a discount. She said no, but I told her everyone in WBJ gives me discounts (which they don't). In the end I swung one. If you read this blog and ask me how, I'll tell you how. Very useful and I shall definitely be using it again.

So I went walking around elsewhere, although I couldn't actually walk. I couldn't move. These fuckers think around Christmas that they don't have to subscribe to the stand left on an escalator rule. I had to ask so many people to please stand aside. Initially my comments were just excuse me, can I please get past and then I got inventive:
"Can you please stand to the left as is the customary rule on escalators"
"Hey bub, shift left"
"You! Yes you! Move"
doesn't really get more creative than that and the last one I made up.

The taxis are a nightmare.
Virtually impossible to score one. Today I had a meeting and after walking from Bridge St to Market St to score a taxi, I got into one and let out my feelings to the cab driver once within the vehicle. He wasn't the brightest crayon in the box, I'll say that now.

He proceeded to talk about it being Christmas and the silly season but he said no to worry soon it will be Sunday, then Monday and then comes the big turkey. He asked me what I did and I said with bold defiance:
"I don't do Christmas, I'm Jewish."

So he asked me what I do. I said we don't believe in Jesus, he is a Heretic. We don't do anything in relation to Christmas. We aren't Christian. I think I was raving. He asked about other holidays and I said there are tonnes throughout the year. He tried to think of some.... his ensuing response.......

"Oh yeah, the holocaust."

On hearing this, try envisage my response. Guess what I did...
I can't believe I didn't go ballistic. I just responded calmly
"Holocaust?! That was when Hitler tried to kill all the Jews. I don't really think it's a holiday, more of a more memorial day."

I don't think he was too embarrassed. I actually laughed and said I needed to write that down. He continued on the Jew topic. He said we're all rich, I responded that this was slightly stereotypical and not exactly accurate. Then he said we're all so smart. He mentioned Einstein. And then I mentioned it's not so true either, I happen to know a couple of dumb asses.
He liked that.

Overall it's ok. I'm trying not to go into anymore department stores or shopping centres with a vehicle. You will never ever get parking. I am excited for Christmas morning cartoons. Love those. Unexcited for the weather continuing to be shit. I wonder if we'll have another "hottest day on record". Who will do the counting for how ever many times that's said?

On another note
Know anyone who works for the NSW Premiers department?? If you know someone that does, I'd very much like to know. Shoot me an email if you do....

Love you all. Drive safe over the holiday period. Those p drivers are lethal.

Monday, December 18, 2006

I've been to hell and back

Things have been quiet. I know. I'm sorry.

I haven't had time to do anything besides work. On Sunday I had to go in to work on a pitch, I didn't leave till 4am, then was back at 7.30 Monday morning.
Not all bad, I'm not at work today.

At 10.30am yesterday, I started to get delirious due to lack of sleep. It wasn't and out of body experience, more like my body had a mind of it's own and I was peering through my eyes, but they weren't really through my own eyes, I was trapped in the back. Hard to explain, but kind of like the feeling when people were inhabiting John Malkovich's body in "Being John Malkovich".
I feel a little better now, but it's going to be a week of checking emails and cleaning my desk.

On the Christmas party front, they have all been pretty shit. The White party was so good last year, everyone really made an effort. Even the strippers. This year, the pole dancers didn't even care and the dirty old men weren't as sleazy as the usually are. A real disappointment.

The weather has also been shithouse. This topsy turvy garbage. Fucking El NiƱo. I'm making a concerted serious effort now to preserve energy/electricity and water. Don't put your appliances on standby, turn them off. And I don't know what else there is to do really. That's the extent of most of my changes.
But, if I don't get a tan soon, the shit is going to hit the fan.

So today, I'm going to have a beach lunch with Rosen, I'm going to the beach. I'm gonna do a couple of errands, have a nap and just take it easy. Hopefully over the summer break, I'll get some top stories. I wonder if we will revisit the Leaning Tower of Pisa episode?

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

The party smarty

Well, we had the big party on the weekend at Peppermint Lounge.
It appears there were 6 parties on that night, with 400 other people on doorlists.

As I am adamant that big, blow in parties are not my thing, I had no concerns with this do whatsoever.

I used to do them a few years ago, but I've since pulled out. You get neurotic:
  • Did I send EVERYONE the invite?
  • Did I send the invite to those dicks I wasn't meant to send it to?
  • Is the venue big enough?
  • Is the venue small enough?
  • Will people drink?
  • Will people turn up?
  • Will the music be good?
  • Do I really have to talk to those people who I never see except at random parties?
  • Why can't I just talk to my friends?
  • What will I wear?
  • Will I look hot?
  • No one better wear the same outfit as me
  • I hope I don't get paralytic.
  • Is that bitch gonna turn up?
  • I hope there are enough randoms (new people are always good)

This list is long, the pressure high. As I resigned myself to the fact I was not going to care, I had no worries at all. Someone even suggested I not turn up. I quite liked that idea. The so daring act which is just too impossible to fathom amongst those I know. It would either catapult me into' social suicide' or 'social 15 minutes of fame stardom'.

It never happened.

But I did ponder the idea for a good while. I got to the party late in any case because of Shabbat. And the weather was atrocious- it rained the entire day and night. I also took my new wayfarers that Kinsey and Floe got me, because they were cool and we looked like losers/trendites when we put them on (loser/trendites because there were clearly 2 schools of thought on the matter).
However, the red/white/black combo is definitely a winner.

A pseudo celeb also turned up- one of the intruders from Big Brother. He wanted me to crouch down, so he wouldn't appear so short, but I refused. I told him I knew he was short when I saw him on the television, I detest his kind of celebrity and unfortunately perspective has ruined the shot and we appear the same height.

And I'm tired of having to bend down in photos. It hurts my thighs. The photo below of Deb and I just shows the real difference. I'm a full head taller. AND she is stretching up.

It was a pretty good party all up. Deb sorted us out so well with food and venue. Thanks Deb. The bongo dude even turned up and I got to hear a bit of the saxophonist (who I thought was a saxaphonist).

And I left early, around 12.30. That place was just too hot inside. There was a lot of exclamation about me leaving my party early, but I don't understand what the big deal is. It was just a party. All the important people I see every week. I still don't get it. I also wasn't in such a "let's get smashed" mood. Even though later, the alcohol was clearly having some effects on me (heat, wooziness and dehydration).
I'm sorry I left, but I wasn't being too exciting. I only did about 3 shoulder moves and I wasn't as funny as I usually am (I'm just saying it to make you feel better).

More pics below...

I had to paste open eyes on Nic in this pic, because there were 3 takes beforehand and she had closed eyes in every one

A lot of bending down photos were taken. I'm sick of having to bend down to accomodate short people in photos

I said Drex's ass looked good, so we took a photo

Deb and Kate thought they had hot asses and also wanted photos