Thursday, March 30, 2006

Do I really like Canadians....ay?

So, it could be my love of Degrassi Junior High, or that gold medal triathlete that I fell in love with from the Sydney Olympics- but there is definitely something intriguing aboote the way canadians say certain words.

I even made a challenge for fellow compatriots to say as much aboote, hoouse and ay's that they could say in a 2 hour time period.

That was until I had to sit through a 1 hour interview with a Canadian.

He called the internet the interline! And he was in general a creepy, creepy fellow. The type you think is a closet serial killer, but I mean totally closet.

He was a person specialising in travel, so I asked him if he travels a lot. His response:
"Yeah, yah a lot."

When I asked him when and where he last went away:
"Oh, abboote three years ago I went to Canada ay. My mother died."


Also, i should mention. I sat behind a guy on the ferry with a Hitler haircut. Gotta love that.
You can even just see that he is wearing those little glasses that hook over the ear.
Can I get arrested for taking photos like this?

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Goodbye Ronaldo....

Thanks everyone for the great weekend.

Shabbat was awesome. I slept and relaxed so much. Felt like I could really unwind. Feels like I haven't had that in a while.
Then motzei went to see Van She and Faker. Was fun. However post some alcohol and some crazy dance moves, I noticed that my ankle was a little tender. I'm thinking- this is hurting quite a bit, alcohol is numbing it slightly, I'll deal with it tomorrow when sober.
In conclusion- I slightly sprained my ankle thanks to my crazy-ass dance moves.

After the show, me rockin' mates and I attended the birthday bash of one of the band members. Some of these guys are such wankers. I was talking to one about MashUps and he walks away mid sentence! I tried the same thing the next day on someone else (I walked away, not me talking about mashups, I learned my lesson) and it was really funny. Well, for me at least. I shall be doing it again soon.

I also bumped into Sam! My fellow HighHat from the Warriors halloween Vice party. He made the photo in the magazine that I got cut out of because I was the only girl. Damn pricks. Was good to see him again. I wonder where we shall again cross paths?

I woke up with quite the seedy feeling. Wasn't pretty. It probably would have been better if I didn't get phone calls so early in the morning! Sunday kids, A SUNDAY. Had a beautiful breakfast with Eb and Fern (and I just realised I left my doggy bag at home- damn). So much food and so sick, I could only eat a quarter of my pizza styled omelette.

Roni's leaving lawn bowls do was unreal. The weather was so hot. Peachy. Great pics. Putting them on flickr. If they ever give me back my password.

A photo of my top bowl...and my injured ankle

Yobbos threatened to jump on us while we were taking this pic. I've never gotten up so quickly

But...there was a huge turnout at Roni's. At least 40. I thought I'd write a list of people who I would think would turn up (like a list of Thank you's at the Oscars gone wrong) to a farewell do of my own, but I reckon people would get pissed....
..............a good idea to do it then:

First the devotees and then we'll move downward (ie- just go through my phone for names):
Nix Linton
Deb H
Kate M
Kate R
Diana M
Jacqui G
Eb Head
Ben G
Rich Benj
Dan G
Lilach (maybe)
Yoni Z
Annie S
Aviva B
Simon M
Juzzie (a potential for a no show)
Crouchie (also a potential for a no show)
Dan Moore
His twin Dan L
Dave G (potentially)
Dan A
Trev many numbers seen and no idea who they are...

Lazy Josh, if I invited him
Lewko Black
Lewko White

It sucks, because half the people I would have included are no longer in the country, or perhaps the city.

...and if I have forgotten you....apologies. I'm already envisioning daily updates.

ps 10 points for those that can spot the grammatical errors

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Bits of Gray Matter

So...Eb was getting sick of reading the same post. Sorry. I didn't realise I had such an impact on your life.

Issue 1. Peter Helliar
This guy- I've never really liked. Not since I called him up and told him about the Potty Putter to put on a segment on Rove. He ended up doing a 15 minute segment on it and never gave me any credit for it. So unfair.
Anyway, it's the Commonwealth Games and Mr Helliar used the same joke that rolls around every 4 years: "Take out the Eastern Europeans and the Asians from Gymnastics and it just opens up availability of all the medals..."
Look Pete, heard it before, get something new.

Which reminds Olympics I was one of those people who had to hold the trays for the medal ceremonies. I got to meet some interesting peeps. But the medal presenters at these games...what a joke! What horrible outfits!

Issue 2. No one gets a free lunch
Yes they do! I did. Bit of a shock at the amount of food I received in comparison to price, scored me a free lunch and complimentary chips. I was in a meeting when someone made that statement.

Issue 3. Only 1 degree of separation to Daniel Kitson
I bloody love Daniel Kitson. One of the best comics ever. Was I glad to hear a mate performed at the Adelaide Fringe and not only hung out with Kitson, Kitson just broke up with his girlfriend!
Edgy dude, edgy!

Issue 4. Is mySpace really that cool?
I've come to the conclusion it isn't.
Yeah- you can put all your crap up there, but if you spread your crap around they can't monitor you as closely. When they did that Steve Zisou thing that was cool. And when bands put their music and gig stuff up there- that's cool. But I want the cool stuff to be centralised.
I don't know...something about it is giving me the jeebies.

Issue 5. Grammar Police
This is getting way out of hand. I got to the point last week where I nearly went mental trying to work out with there/their/they're it was. I ended up going for the wrong one. And when you do get it wrong- as a member of the grammar police- your heart doesn't skip one beat, it skips about 7. It's getting painful and stressful now. I'm taking a backseat.

Issue 6. Just wrong
Had a presentation the other day about advertising on Podcasts. PODVERTS?

Get fucked!

Things I forgot
  • I walked around with my fly undone for a couple hours. Thanks everyone for NOT telling me.
  • And why do I clap as well as laugh when something is amusing?

Saturday, March 18, 2006

The post of the New Zealand

Last week, I had to go to NZ for work. Not bad, but 'twas very, very tiring.
I left in an afternoon, arrived in Christchurch at 11.30 at night, to work the next morning, meetings.
Plane to Auckland in afternoon, off plane, check in to hotel, go to Auckland office.
MORE meetings till 9pm.
Then night out on town till all hours. AND then plane to Sydney- meaning I had to go to airport at 4.30am.
I was well tired when I went back into work. Zombie like and couldn't string 2 words together. I could blame it on the horrible food on the plane, or the fact that I didn't really sleep unless I was on a decide.

So, what did I get up to in NZ you ask? There is only room for freeloading, walking my way into anything, many a person pissing me off and general fun whilst I am away. But, I did put my foot in it probably more than once (it's the damn vigilance).

Scene 1 Take 1
I'm about to board plane in Sydney and manage to be standing in a group of old american tourists. The worst kind. To allow these 2 ladies to stand next to eachother, I move forward. Then they start talking at the top of their lungs about me (I guess even if they wanted to whisper they wouldn't be able to do it) and I mention why I had moved and then they comment how they were joking and get all pissed. The thing is this ladies, you don't talk about someone who is standing right infront of you. There is no cone of silence.

Scene 2 Take 7
I arrive in CC (Christchurch done cool) and it's late and I'm hungry.
Manage to get myself some free room service. Other than that CC sucked (Take 7 means it took quite a while to organise the free shite).

Scene 2 Take 19
At CC airport and have 30 minutes to kill before boarding. I walk past the Star Alliance Gold lounge. I think, this isn't a challenge, I'm in NZ. So I go up to the guy at the desk. He must be pushing 90, easy. I don't know how I did it. I pull up a statement on the left, then go a low right with a total contradiction and then I bring him back into the middle and pull him totally out of whack with another. It ended up being "You can go in, but next time you really need your card". I confused myself as well but, ended up with free lunch.

There are some extremely dumb people around at the moment. The grammar police is run off its feet. So much to the point that I have even suffered from my own abuse. It has to end. It's driving me nuts. But 2 things greatly amused me over this short trip. A woman was reading a back of a moisturiser packet to me. She reached the word absorption, which is now absorpertion. Another was 2 guys sitting behind me in the lounge. They're thinking outloud about what is 15% of $60,000. I go straight for the: "what's 10? Halve that and add" and by the time I was ready to board my plane they were still going!
What is with the world? And is there an easier way to get 15%? I think I would like to know.

Night out on town
Auckland is a pretty nice city. The office in NZ is pretty hot. Fish tanks, great wall screens. Great. I went to this nice bar and it turns out someone with my company is mates with them or something. I tried to score freebies. Foot - in - mouth. Not pretty.
Office shots

But then I went to this hot little bar. I can't even remember the name of it now. But it was this plush door in an alley. You knock and a little slider opens up, someone looks and perhaps lets you in or not. I love those things. It wasn't a busy night, so as I was leaving someone knocks on the door. I open it and look at them mysteriously. They say how they are just waiting for a call from Dave on his whereabouts. I say something like "Hey, you call Dave, get him to come over and then we'll reconsider." Then I slammed the slider shut. It was so much better at the moment. This does not do justice.
But that little bar was great. I sat with the bartender. I played backgammon (I convincingly won), I played Pool (and convincingly lost twice) and we all had some lovely drinks. Nice bar.

Hotel shots
All I wanted to do was jump on the beds. Why does free shit make you want to act like a kid again? I didn't know which bed to choose, or which toilet I should pish in. It was too many decisions even for me.

Back home
The night was fun. Bit worrisome re alcohol that I wouldn't be allowed on plane. I get to the check in counter and this asian lady has died her hair and eyebrows totally blonde. It was really disconcerting and I couldn't stop staring. She is oh-so-efficient and checks me in without asking me where I want to sit. I ask her "aren't you even going to ask me where I want to sit?", tears up the boarding pass, reissues and then I make her tear it up again. She initally gave me a window. Window sucks- you're pegged in. Then she gives me aisle, but behind one of those stupid wall dividers, claiming they have more leg room. In actual fact they don't and they suck. Reason is, if you are behind a seat at least you can stretch your legs out farther. So 3rd time lucky and then I have to check my bag in the fragile area- she sends me away 5 metres.

The fragile guy says something in mumble to me like "go back to the counter." I say I've just been there, he mumbles something else, I'm confused and finally I understand that someone has to verify my bag is mine and so is my boarding pass...but I just came from the counter 5 metres away. The guy was a dick, the woman who was meant to check (who did nothing) woke up from her catatonic state, checks me who knows how and I go through. Great.

On plane
I'm asleep before take off. I love that. At one point I wake up and there is food infront of me....ohh fuck this. The blog is already too long, the story not that exciting and recounts me complaining again.
In the end, I felt important going away. I had awesome hotel rooms and I felt like I just wanted to jump on all these big beds and run amuck. I accomplished some of that.

Next time when I go it will be even more fun and I hope the post will be even longer!

Other highlights:

  • Getting in trouble at Customs in Sydney for using a trolley that was just sitting there.
  • Telling a security guy in NZ "don't you know girls don't put anything in their pockets?" with a wink and a smile when he asked me if I had anything in my pockets.
  • Thanks to Gids for showing me around Auckland. Loved it.

Quote of the week
To global CEO: "You gotta blog?"

Sunday, March 12, 2006

This week's post

If you think I'm writing about that damn UIA function, forget it. I've seen there's been a couple of hits on the site meter. The regulars have been waiting for an update. Guess what?! I'm not satisfying that need... (having a deja vu moment there...)

All I will say is that I was glad I didn't wear black like every other Jew and his dog. Lucky for me, even though I had charged my camera, the batteries weren't properly charged and I couldn't take the necessary photos.

The one and only most exciting thing going on at the moment is the excitement of Bendependent writing to Eb and I. It even looks like there was a visit from Josh S, but I can't be too sure.

Eb wrote a whole post on the co-inky-dinks from bendy in the past. It is quite exhaustive. She didn't miss much. Just the post of the toilet and toilet politics. The other was "I'm so IMDBing that when we get back to earth. That $20 is soooo mine." The amount of times I've had a debate about who has been in what movie, when Steven Spielberg won his first Oscar for direction (but that came from my own personal trivia bank), all to be determined and the winner chosen by the IMDB search.

There's been a lot of bendependent memories. Eb, Fern and I had fights about who loved him more. I think I won when I got that postcard. The crew from work loved to get them. Lucas' and Marty's favourite would have to be the tea-bagging comic. Some of the others have dropped off the mailing list. All in all, when they're good, they're good comics.

My favourites have got to be "Heavens to Betsy",
also also "Cry me a freaking river, you pansy"
and also also also- the panel I cut out of one and stuck on my monitor:
"I've been so stressed out lately...and it's not just like one thing, it's like everything in my life".
When I read that little doozie, I had an epiphany.

Thanks Bendy, this has been cool. I think Eb is a bit more excited than I am though.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Will the real Napolean Dynamite please stand up

So...I went to this awesome laneway festival on the weekend. The St Jeromes Laneway festival. They closed off this little square in the city, had a couple bands on 3 different stages. Was muchos fun(nos).

'twas a little strange that when the bands played these pretentious wannabes (who are actually the cool alternative types that would most probably grace the pages of the Vice do's....and even don'ts- there were some shocking outfits there) would just stand and watch. They don't even dance. They look like they are in some trance.

At the mixing stage they danced. But I think these people were less pretentious anyway. They just don't get Les Savy Fav. I guess that's why they can dance. BUT (starting a sentence with but, see!), this guy was the best dancer I have ever seen. He is a real life Napoleon Dynamite!
Sorry about being on the wrong way. I keep forgetting a camera only goes one way. I have the software to flip it, but I think the shareware version has expired...

Will the real Napoleon Dynamite please stand up

The after party was the best part. Private party in the Basement. No plebs. Free drinks. Band. I was dancing till 2am. Was awesome.

Monday was not a good day. Had to retire so early in the night. Caught a glimpse of some Oscar footage. It is really so boring these days. Jon Stewart was pretty a'ight though. I like how he doesn't hold back.

And I have the pleasure of announcing that Bendy has been visiting my site. It was a little scary many months ago, when he managed to somehow coincide the release of the weekly comic with the weekly happenings of my life. It still does indeed happen. But...I hope he cheers up soon. I myself had a bad patch recently. Happy to say I am now on the other side. Ebhead was in one too. Hang in there Bendy.