Monday, January 29, 2007

The finger slicing, XRay and tetanus. Episode 75

Warning: some images not for the squeamish

This was meant to be a blog about how Nic, Kate, Kate and I are going to Thailand on Wednesday. Apparently it's something to talk about.
Our flights, are on average $450 return, including taxes. We're on jetstar, we got some deal. We have to pay extra for blankets ($7), headphones ($10) and food ($25). Luckily I now have my own Qantas blanket, so I don't need to hire that.

I took these pictures for the occasion.
The tripsters: Kate, Nic, myself and Kate

Kate, my tongue and I

Last Monday, as I was contemplating the post I would write, I was cutting up some pictures for a presentation. I was using a cutting board, a lovely metal ruler and a bitch of a stanley knife.
The knife slipped on the ruler and that bitch sliced right through the top of my finger (not the whole thing, maybe half way).

The bitch of a knife

After my Martin rendition of "Owie Owie Ow", I saw the blood start flowing and it didn't really stop till they put the stitches in. 5 of them. I predicted the number. I sat at my desk, people got me tissues, then I got a big mo-fo of a bandage around my finger, it must have been at least 8cm in diametre.

I got cabcharges to Sydney Hospital and off I went.

The orderlies were nice. One, Andrew, enjoyed telling me his own stories of slicing fingers off with broken beer bottles. I didn't enjoy them that much. Once they took off the bandage and there was no pressure, the hurt started and random chat was not advisable.

Dr Kevin was lovely. His favourite pastime is tennis and his favourite part of doctoring is doing stitches, so I was glad I fulfilled that aspect. I also had to have X rays to make sure I hadn't scraped any bone off. Once that was clear we moved to stitching.

Dr Kevin explained to me that he would put anaesthetic in my finger. I hate anaesthetic needles, they are a real bitch. He jabbed that fucker in and I said to Dr Kevin
"I hate you, you're such a prick". He laughed. However, read on - he got me back for that later.

Then the bastard jabs the needle in the other side of my finger. I was NOT expecting that. I exclaimed,
"Dr Kevin, what was that? You didn't tell me you were going to jab me twice! What is this, your idea of a doctor surprise???! SURPRISE!!"

Once I couldn't feel my finger at all they did the five stitches.
Andrew the orderly was hanging around the entire time. At this point he says to me:
"You know, you're 13 days older than me."

I'm kind of perplexed. I'm sitting there with my bone exposed, my finger is numb, but tingly like a dead leg gets. I look at him strangely and I respond:
"Thanks Andrew. Thank you for that information. I'll take it with me to the grave."
Apparently I'm mean, I shut him down, he was denied. But, the timing was impeccable, the tone fantastic and the Dr got a good laugh out of it.

So these were my surgical drapes (with some blood underneath. Yummy):

This is my wound stitched and taped up:

The dirty bandage by the end of a few days:

I got these awesome sticky bandages that stick together like spider webs. I had to get my hair washed at a salon because I couldn't get my hand wet. Hopefully work cover should stitch that up nicely.

Andrew gave me the best Tetanus shot I've ever gotten. No dead arm feeling and it only got sore on day 2. I couldn't believe he actually gave me a needle. I told him he was good. Kudos where kudos is due.

I was only in emergency for about an hour (Monday mornings are very slow) and then I went straight back to work like a moron. I should have gone home.

And how did Dr Kevin get me back?
I went to get my stitches taken out today. We discussed his tennis battles on the weekend. He lost and won a game each. He admires Federer. Then the "prick" wrapped up my finger with a finger GString. It looks absolutely ridiculous. I can't get it wet for 4 days. I'm thinking of naming it Slimey (Oscar the Grouch's worm) and colouring him in accordingly.

But Thailand, here I come....


assaf said...

your mum taught us how to love it :)

Anonymous said...

Deb Wiseman, you remind me that New Kids On the Block had a bunch of hits, Chinese food makes me sick, And I think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer, for the summer..... l am also incluned to ponder on the where about of Billy Ray Cyrus

Charissa said...