Monday, January 09, 2006

The vicariousness of the human being

I encounter this all the time and I never understand it. I don’t think I ever will. This necessity for people to discuss and knead through the details of other people’s lives. Details of which they could have no perception or conception of. They don’t know the individuals circumstances (maybe partially, but definitely not in entirety), they don’t understand thought processes- there is just no way you could grasp every single mitigating factor which has gone into a person’s decisions.

So having said that, why do people seek to talk about others ad nauseam? It’s such a waste of time. And why bother?

To argue with it, I guess you could say it’s like studying literature. You read the book; you understand the motivations and decisions from the characters. You take life’s lessons from others. But- you are still given an insight into the character’s head, which allows you to analyse.

Now, I’m going to discuss an experience that happened to me. The behaviour of certain individuals has been quite juvenile- but clearly it has affected me enough for me to write it on here. Anyone involved, don’t get pissed off.
You can’t.
Disclaimer is here.
My motivations are different to others, I purely want to understand where people are coming from, not the essence of their speculation and gossip.

Recently a friend decided to comment on the situation of the relationship of friends we both know. Now, I found it both interesting and amusing that this person, call them X, wanted to discuss the seriousness of this relationship with no real insight (that I could see- apparently guys don’t talk so deeply). I am very good friends with the girl, I think we’re quite close and quite frankly I don’t need to know about their relationship. It’s none of my business and has nothing to do with me. As long as she is happy, that’s all I need really.

When I tried to quiz X on his need to discuss the information, he thought I was mowing him down. Not at all- I just wanted to understand this need to discuss others (in detail). I couldn’t believe some of the ideas that had gone through X’s head.

In the end I did something I shouldn’t have. I told the girlfriend, my friend about what went down. Not because of what was said, but because it was said. I thought she would understand the absurdity of discussing such things.

I know she’ll read this here…and I’m not taking anything out on you at all. So don’t be alarmed. I’m just filtering through this scenario.

In the end, she went to her boyfriend, it got back to X and then X sent an email back to me…

“I think you are a bitch to twist what i said to you and make out as though i was having a go at [the couple]. I can't believe that you would be that malicious, and really dont understand what you have to benefit by manipulating what i said.

Please take this as notice that i regard our friendship to be over!”


A bit shocked at this. Didn’t write back anything. And still haven’t seen this X to gauge their response and revel in their awkwardness that will be apparent when I do see them.

And I know I’m going to get into such trouble for posting this and I don’t really care anymore either if this is the stage it’s at. If people are so precious to begin with, it’s not worth the effort.

2 comments:

Hoops said...

All i can say is welcome to our wonderful bubble world of Sydney...

This is what happens when people grow up at different times....

Nathan is cool said...

It's like when I was younger I got a dog for my birthday but the dog (Lucy, a massive bassett hound puppy) was crazy and the yard was too small.
Within 6 weeks we had to give her back to the breeder and that same afternoon we went to the RSPCA to get a cat (Meggs) to replace Lucy. I think perhaps that was when I started to distance myself from my family. And Meggs, who I was never satisfied with.
Also, you have spelt 'gauge' incorrectly.